My husband and I were going through a rough patch, and were increasingly going out with friends in order to avoid facing our problems, or fighting. We got to where we were spending a minimal time together. He went out with his friends on a trip for the weekend, and when he returned I asked him if he was happier when he was away, as he did not text or call me the whole time he was gone.
During this period, there was a friend that I had that gave me increasing attention. I told him I was married, that nothing would happen between us unless my husband and I decided on separation. However, I did express that there were feelings there. And we began to act as though we were in the beginning stages of a relationship, often flirting, occasionally holding hands, going to him for my problems instead of my husband.
My marriage came to a head, and my husband and I had a talk about whether or not we were going to stay together. He cried, and I realized how nice it was to feel as though he cared about me, as I had felt neglected for some time. We decided we were going to spend three days together. Without fighting, and while trying to make each other as happy as possible, and if at the end of these three days, we still wanted to end it, we would.
At the end of the three days, after some intimacy was reestablished in the relationship and we were going to try and make it work, I told my friend that I could not talk to or see him again. I felt incredible guilt for the betrayal I had put into my marriage, and couldn’t live with myself.
I cried myself to sleep for months every night, knowing that if I told my husband what I had done, he would leave me, and I did not want to give up on my marriage. Eventually, I realized I could not deal with the pain of the guilt, I respected him too much to keep this secret, so I told him, through tears that I had an emotional affair, and I was just so sorry. I just felt so alone.
He stopped me, before I finished telling him everything, and told me: “I forgive you for anything you’ve done, and anything you could have done.”
I knew I picked the man that was right for me at that moment, felt guilt for all the moments of doubt, and rededicated my life to him. I love him, and how understanding he is.