I’m the biggest fucking hypocrite

by super

I just want to start off by saying I’m the biggest fucking hypocrite. I’ve(M17) been dating my girlfriend(F18) for a while now, and recently we’ve just made 9 months. For the past two weeks we have been on a break because she no longer feels that she wants to be with me romantically anymore and it hurts really bad since I’m basically obsessed with her damaged, beautiful soul. For some background on her, her past two relationships ended in cheating and lies. I told myself I would never betray her trust, I would never make her feel that type of pain again. I’m a failure. A week into our break a girl I used to talk to messages me, we exchange texts for a day, the next night she’s at the end of my street sucking my dick. Instantly I regret it and send her home. I’m still confused as to why I would even betray the love of my life like this.. Everyday in school I hold in my tears and anger( at myself) because sooner or later I’m going to cave in and singlehandedly ruin thr only thing in my life that gives me happiness. She’s clinically depressed and right now is a terrible time in her life mentally and just overrall. I don’t want to be the reason she kills herself. I don’t want to make her relive her past relationships all over again. Do I keep it from her with the intentions of not ruining her life? Do I tell her because it’s the right thing to do? I could not tell her and deal with the guilt every single day or I could tell her and do the right thing but that will lead to worsening her depression, us out of eacothers lives, and her family & friends hating my guts forever. I know I will never be able to forgive myself, neither will she ever forgive me. I’d really like some advice on how to proceed. If theres any questions feel free to ask.

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