Lonely wife in a loveless marriage

by super

I am a 38F and my husband is 47M. We have been married for 11 years and together for 14, we have two kids.

Basically, I constantly feel alone. I feel unloved and like I don’t have a special emotional intimacy with anyone. And, of course no physical intimacy (it’s been about 4 years since we’ve had sex) as this is the dead bedroom sub. We never kiss, not loving at all. It took life slowing down and all of us being home during the pandemic to realize just how bad it was.

My husband and I had a lot of (what I think are normal) married life disagreements.. fighting over chores, money, equality of duties. I know all couples argue and have differences. However, I feel like my husband took it way too far in the past. He has said some really mean things to me, and I felt truly hurt by his words and actions. He also has been quite angry at times, again in a way I really dislike.

This all happened over YEARS. But, as a result, I now see him in a totally different light. He just isn’t the person I thought I married. His personality isn’t who I thought he was, and I also just don’t really like it. He isn’t who I would want to spend time with given the choice. I also just CAN NOT feel love for him. I can’t think of him in a romantic or sexual way, and I don’t think I ever will again.

The hard part is other than my resentment and loss of love for him, is he is a pretty good dad, provider, he is nicer now (for the most part), we have a nice house and family, we enjoy doing things as a family. I like having our family together despite our relationship issues. I want that for my kids.

SO.. here I am. I am a pretty attractive woman in my late 30’s, I am still a really sexual person and I also want/need affection.

I guess I am not looking so much for advice, but more support. Who else can relate?? How do you get by? How do you make yourself happy? Or tell me what happened if you did end up divorcing? Thank you!!

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